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Remembering Greg

"The Apostle"

Greg Kendzierski (1961 - 2000)

Take a moment and remember the very first time you met Greg.

For me, it was at one of our most favorite places to be… a ball field. (Greg and I spent many hours on the softball field, whether it was the company league, Sunday morning leagues, or even the Harford Community College league where our fans wore brown paper bags on their heads.) After the first few minutes with Greg, I remember initially thinking, “Who does this guy think he is, Jesus Christ?” (He does have a way with people doesn’t he?) But isn’t it uncanny how accurate our first impressions really are? After ten years if I had to choose one word to describe Greg, it would be “apostle”. Apostle. One of a group of leaders chosen by Christ to preach his gospel. (Thank God for the Internet and the fact that Greg loves email, huh!) Greg not only is a model Christian, but in many eyes, he is a modern day saint. He was never angered by the challenge of his cancer, and when confronted with difficult questions such as “Why me?”, Greg matter-of-factly replied, “Why not?” Simply put, Greg fully relies on God. As an apostle, he teaches this lesson to everyone. And as a result of his unselfishness, Greg was directly or indirectly involved in restoring or strengthening the faith of thousands, maybe millions of people around the world. Undoubtedly, this is one of God’s greatest miracles, worked directly through Greg as his apostle.

When Greg and Shura gave me this honor, I realized I was going to need some support, so I emailed a few of our friends asking them to share their thoughts about Greg with me. I received a multitude of beautiful replies, some of which came from individuals that I had never met, or more incredibly, had never even met Greg.

One friend, who only knows Greg through email, lent me her copy of a book called The Prophet. In that book, there is an essay on death. The final sentence struck me in particular. “And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.” To me, Greg’s whole life was a dance. Although not a particularly good dancer, Greg has probably already worn a hole in Heaven’s dance floor while entertaining the other angels. Furthermore, this same friend was so moved by Greg’s inspirational email messages that she took the time to write her own essay about Greg. (I remind you that she had never even met Greg.) It is called, “How to Rise to the Occasion”, and here is the condensed version:

Greg Kendzierski is a soul man. A 38 year-old friend and co-worker of my husband’s, Greg was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in the spring of 1998. I’ve been watching Greg’s heroic dance with the disease and I am impressed with his ability to rise to the occasion. His periodic e-mail updates to friends and colleagues demonstrate courage and persistence. Here are some of Greg’s inspiring words.

April 29, 1998: “Hi gang. We didn’t exactly get the news we wanted today. While the spots on my lungs turned out to be nothing, our prayers were too specific. It looks like the cancer is also in a spot on my neck. Additionally, it’s gotten into a tricky area near my esophagus and stomach where surgery or radiation is impossible. Thus, chemo is the next step. I am not symptomatic of cancer. I am healthy (except for the tumors) and plan to tackle this head on. Our doctor is on our team and plans on doing the same. I still plan on being a miracle. We are just climbing Everest here, not a speed bump. I am going to shave my head tomorrow because, as my first act of spitefulness, I am going to take my hair before the chemo can. At that point we will return to living our lives normally. Cancer will not be the focus of our routine. I want only positive attitudes from everyone. I love you all.”

June 6, 1998: “I am going through chemo like a breeze (well, I guess as much of a breeze as having toxins dumped into your body can be). I am five weeks into the program and the doctors still think I should not be feeling so well, but what the heck do they know? In fact, I feel better than I have in years. I’m pretty sure my male-pattern baldness is being cured, too! We know we are still playing against large odds, but what fun is it to win against small odds anyway? I love you all. Your words, thoughts, and prayers give me strength.”

June 17, 1998: “Super fantabulous news to share! Many of you may not know this, but the week I found out I had cancer, my wife and I also found out she was pregnant! We considered this a true gift from the Lord and have viewed this as our miracle baby. We have had so many small miracles happen to us on a daily basis!” The author and friend goes on by saying, “Whether you are battling an illness or coping with a loss, you can gain courage from everyday heroes like Greg. His persistence and positive attitude are relentless and inspiring. He’s the bravest person I know.”

I believe the following email from Greg is most inspiring. In it, Greg reminds us how God is blessing him.

Written December 29, 1998: “It’s funny…I was at mass on Sunday morning and I said to God, ‘You know Lord I’ve asked for a lot lately… but if it’s not too much trouble, please let my baby be born this week.’ Well, He didn’t waste much time. He let us go to the movies Sunday night, and then let the baby come almost as soon as we got home. How blessed am I!”

Another friend wrote back to me with the following story. “When I was in the hospital after my open heart surgery, Greg visited me. During this time, his immune system was low and he was not supposed to be exposed to people who are sick. He showed a lot of courage and compassion to come and see me. There are not too many people in this world like Greg."

Did you know that Greg actually likes to go shopping? Or that he Xeroxed his face 6 or 8 times and made a framed collage that still hangs in their home? Or that he wallpapered his entire basement, painted it with psychedelic paint, rented colored stage lights and smoke machines, and basically set up a dance club party for his friends? Or that he has the biggest music collection you will ever see and that he would constantly make tapes for his friends containing their favorite music? Did you know that he would take the time to get to know and take an interest in your family and friends? Did you know that his family wasn’t just his family, they were his friends and he liked to show them off! Did you know that he enjoys standing up in front of complete strangers and singing bar tunes with other idiots like myself? Did you know that Greg loves to “flick” his shoes as high in the air as he can while walking around in public? Did you know that once he flicked his shoe so high that it landed on top of a distant police car? (Greg once again magically weasel worded his way out of that one.) Did you know that Greg can get away with saying absolutely anything to anyone (and I mean anything) as long as it is in his “munchie” voice? Did you know that Greg is capable of going a week without a bath as long as he is in the state of West Virginia? (I honestly think you’ll be able to smell Greg’s spirit out there!) Did you know that the last time it snowed in Baltimore was at Philemon’s glorious baptism? (You can’t tell me Greg didn’t have something to do with this weather!)

Another friend wrote, “ During his illness, Greg’s faith, courage, and love for family has helped me put my life in perspective. I will never take my family and friends for granted but will try to make every effort to spend as much time with them and make a better life for all of them.”

One friend remembered an evening at Bateman’s Restaurant in Towson where Greg bit his tongue and it started bleeding profusely. He couldn’t stop it from bleeding so Shura stood in the middle of the bar with her finger in his mouth pressing on the cut to make it stop bleeding. Greg was hysterical trying to speak to everyone in the bar with Shura’s finger in his mouth.

One of Greg’s former employees remembers them reaching a breaking point during a high volume of work when they decided to go out and have some thoughtless fun. It was a Monday night and they agreed to see the movie “Dumb and Dumber”. (Quote) “The movie was so insanely stupid that Greg started laughing so hard that he got me laughing uncontrollably… which infected the 15-20 other people in the theatre.” The whole audience laughed for the entire 90 minute film to the point that my stomach and ribs ached the next day.” Greg is the glue that brings together so many people in so many places for so many different purposes.

Many friends discussed how they share many aspects of life with Greg that they would not even share with their own family, and how deeply sorrowful they are to have physically lost that person in their lives for they are so rare to find. Many expressed how Greg brings them a closer relationship to God whom they had wandered away from over time.

Greg cares enough about everyone to make their significant milestones very special. He would dress up as a chicken, a cheerleader, or whatever it took to make the day or evening special. He is very sentimental and always sent timely and thoughtful cards to all his friends.

Greg’s messages enabled us to strengthen our resolve to keep our priorities straight. As one friend put it, “If you have your health and a loving family, you have it all. Everything else is just noise.”

Here is a typical story that speaks directly to the kind of person Greg is. On a whim, Greg was invited to go sleigh riding with a co-worker and his family at Diamond Ridge. The co-worker’s kids had never met Greg, but in minutes he was part of the family, teasing the kids, sledding double-decker, and building a giant snowman in the middle of the fairway. Although it was over 5 years ago, the kids still remember that day very clearly.

Another wrote, “After every e-mail that I read, I cried – and not because they were sad – but because they illustrated the perfect example of the person I think we should all strive to be.”

And then there is me. I last saw Greg alive with some other good friends on December 6th between 10 AM and 1 PM at his beautiful home. It is a three hours of time that we will never forget. We were charmed immensely by a nearly one year old Philemon’s laughter and the joy of two parents watching him grow. Only after leaving did I realize how selfless Greg had been, ignoring the pain and discomfort he was facing in order to give us quality time during our visit and allow us to draw further strength from his awesome faith. I will continue to use Greg’s emails daily for inspiration, and I can honestly say that he has changed my life, my priorities, and my faith in God immensely. As for my favorite story… Greg had asked me once how I knew Shelly was the right person for me, and I told him that “I just knew”. A year or so later, on the second tee at Rocky Point Golf Course, Greg told me that “Shura was the one for him” and that he finally understood what I had meant. I can think of no one that I would rather have Greg share his life and death with than Shura. On behalf of all Greg’s friends, I extend a special thanks to Shura and the entire Kendzierski family for all the love, support, and faith they have shown us over the past two years.

My second favorite story would be the meticulous way that Greg organized an annual golf challenge that he affectionately called the “Beer Cup”. It was just four of us; Rick Knotts & Greg were paired against Larry Bosley and myself (no handicaps, straight up) at an area golf course. We started the tradition back in 1993 and have played every year. We each have plaques in our office or at home that Greg (of course) had made, complete with the “Beer Cup” logo and individual plates for each year depicting the course, and the winners and losers. And as you can imagine, the competition was fierce and the trash talking was at levels never seen around the date of the tournament. In fact, every year but one went down to the last hole, always creating enormous pressure and excitement, and further cementing a friendship that will stand the test of time, just the way Greg wanted it. I am sure Greg would want you to know that we ended all tied over the years. (Although I will tell you in secret that Larry and I won by a larger total margin over the years just to stir him up.) We will continue to play the Beer Cup in memory of Greg.

Other stories I love to remember are based around Greg’s unusual sense of humor; whether it was the times he smiled at me and was wearing those ridiculous “Billy Bob” teeth, or the crazy ties he loved to include with his wardrobe, or… the story about Shura’s shoes. Greg and Shura were dating at the time. Greg and some friends played a round of golf at Longview and stopped by Shura’s apartment (which was nearby) after the round to freshen up and get ready for a typical GCK night on the town. Gerry and Brian noticed a pair of shoes in the foyer, which looked like the typical “comfortable as a pair of slippers” shoes that everyone has close by their front door to change into when they get home. They were Shura’s shoes. The difference… these shoes stunk badly! Greg ran into the kitchen, grabbed a large pot, filled it with water, put the shoes in the pot of water, placed the lid on top, and placed the whole thing in the freezer, all to the outrageous bemusement of Gerry and Brian. Imagine the look on Shura’s face at finding that!

Greg always reminded us of what was truly important in life. As God’s apostle, he reminded us that it was not easy. He said, “Don’t let the day to day grind blind you to your priorities. If you believe that God is the most important thing in your life, then act like it. Lip service doesn’t cut it.” (Greg sure has a way with constructive criticism, doesn’t he?) He went on by saying, “If you truly love your family, then make them your priority, over all else earthly. Live each day letting those around you know how much you care, and make sure you love yourself.” Finally, he told us, “Just because we have belief in a miracle and feel its possibility, that doesn’t mean we turn our back on God when the particular manifestation we wish to see with human eyes does not transpire. We never will doubt or give up on God – although in grief it’s pretty easy sometimes, and only human. Keep praying, keep believing, and keep loving each other.”

I make one request of each of you. When you hug and kiss your family, especially your children, hug them longer, and kiss them more frequently. In this way, Greg will forever know our embrace and the embrace of his son. I promise to do so, Greg.

Greg wants us to continue praying. Here is a Northwest Indian Memorial on Death that I would like to read for all of Greg’s friends and family. It gives me strength.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of the birds circling in flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.

I love you, Greg.

Johnny

- John Horner

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